5dpt

So here we are sitting on the couch - DH has an infection in his leg due to a gnat bite and I am feeling bloated and irritated. We are sights to be seen! Since the transfer, I have felt a little crampy and bloated. Usually when I eat, I am in the bathroom right away due to my angry bowels. I haven't had any of that going on this week even after eating out with greasy foods and mexican food! Weird! I am continuing the Vivelle Dots every 3rd day as well as Crinone Gel twice a day. Our BPT isn't until Tuesday the 21st so we aren't even a week into the 2ww period. ugh. Yesterday morning on the way to work I was feeling really nauseated and needed to eat as soon as I got there. I was hopeful that was a good sign. At this point I think I am searching for pregnancy signs and symptoms and will probably continue to do so throughout the 2ww. From all the other blogs I have read, I believe I have joined the club on that note! All of these hormones are making me easily irritated. The littlest things get under my skin lately - meaning today. I don't know if it truly is hormones or maybe the crappy sleep that I have been getting at night. Who knows but I don't like it and I don't want to be biting people's heads off either. Maybe I will take a quick nap...

2 Survived

The ER told us he had good news when we came in this morning. Much to our anticipation we were thinking all 4 embryos survived but he told us only 2 survived the thaw process. One of them had cleaved into a 9 cell already which was excellent and another was a 7 cell that was super hydrated which he said was good. We proceeded with transferring the 2 we had and hope that something happens this time. When I came out of the restroom, I saw the incubator wheeled into the hallway outside our room with a tiny petri dish under a microscope. Doug and I got to look at our little embryos in the incubator and it was simply fascinating. We saw the blastocysts, cells divided and all. It was the coolest thing to see because we are so used to just seeing images on the internet. These were actually our "babies". The procedure lasted about 5 minutes and it was done. The valium put me out pretty quickly so I slept during my recovery hour and then went home to start my 48 hours of bedrest. I am still using Crinone (progesterone) twice a day and then Vivelle estrogen patches - 4 at a time. Besides those 2 things, we just wait now until the 21st when we have our BPT. Staying positive and not obsessing this time.....maybe that will be better for my body. The kids are super excited so I would hate to deliver bad news again. We'll see in a couple weeks. What I am hoping is that this time I start to feel pregnant or that something is happening. I don't care if it is tiredness, nausea or whatever since the first cycle I didn't feel anything - probably because I wasn't pregnant. I am not thinking that this time will be different for some reason just because I haven't had time to think about anything. Baby Dust!!!

Frozen Egg Transfer day!

I honestly can't believe today is the day. We have had so much going on in our lives that we haven't even had time to think about this second cycle beside the shots and patches. We have 4 frosties that were thawed beginning yesterday. We don't know how many survived so we are curious to get there in an hour and find out. Our best case scenario would be that all 4 survived and can be transferred. Last Friday, they checked my estrogen levels and I needed to be above 250 in order for transfer to be today.....I was at 323! Yipee. So far so good.

This time around we are not taking any HPTs during our 2WW. I think we were a little obsessed with the process last time around. I am hoping that with all the things going in our lives, not thinking much about this will be a good thing for us. Be back soon with an update.....

Second time around

We went in for a consultation with the RE a few weeks ago to talk about the last cycle and where we were going from here. Basically, again, we will never know for sure what happened during the first cycle considering that everything looked good up until the Monday before our pregnancy test. We asked about what the timeline looked like if we were to start the frozen cycle immediately. They would start the cycle with my next period and would start with birth control again and then I would be on a Lupron regimen. Three days before transfer, I would begin Progesterone and oil shots - which are now all intramuscular. Ouch. I have read horror stories about the PO shots and I foresee some bruised butt cheeks in my future. If I were to become pregnant, I would have to stay on these shots thru the first trimester. Ouch. Anyway, when we talked about the timeline according to when I should be starting my period, the transfer would have fallen around June 2nd. My sister's wedding is June 4th which wouldn't allow me to have the 2 days of bed rest so that wouldn't work. We didn't want to wait another month to start so we came up with the plan that they could keep me on birth control for 4 weeks instead of 3 which would push the transfer back to the week after the wedding. So now, we are just waiting for my period to start again to determine our process for this next cycle. I should be starting in two days (4/29) according to my Period App. The embryos would be thawed 24 hours before transfer so we won't know how many viable embryos we have to work with until we go in that day. That is a little nerve wrecking. Hopefully we get at least 2 to thaw with the hopes that all 4 make it thru the process. We are hoping that maybe last time my body was just stressed out and didn't allow for a good environment for the embryos to implant. Prepping my body for this cycle is much less intense and less stressful on the body so hopefully that will help. We'll see how it goes. Last try.....

The results are in....

BFN. Well, our biggest fear came true today. After taking my blood they said they would call around 9 or 9:30 with results. I had told them to place the call to Doug because I had a busy day at work and I had an eerie feeling already. Doug didn't get the call until 11:15. My theory was that it came back negative and they reran it to verify the negative result which is why it took twice as long. Yep, sure enough that is exactly what happened. The nurse sounded dumbfounded when having to tell us the results because as most of you remember - we were that "textbook" case. Everything had been perfect through the entire cycle. Until now. I asked her if it was a definitive 'no' and she said yes because they had actually ran a pregnancy test 2 days ago when I went in and "it didn't look good then" and then today it was "nothing at all". Wow. Heartbreaking and disappointing after all we had gone through up to this point. We will never know why it didn't work or what happened which for us is torture. Doug and I are very fact-driven people so the fact that we can't pinpoint an answer is torture to some extent. Sure, there are all of the things that now run through my head like "what if this" or "what if that" but it is over now. I didn't ask Doug about the result for awhile after he got the call. I wasn't quite sure how I would cope with a BFN while at work - especially when I had to facilitate a very important group at work where I needed to be completely mentally present. Well, I finally called and got the official result from him. I kinda knew....I just felt it was a negative. I cried quietly at my desk and eventually went and sat in my car for about 20 minutes while I gathered myself before having to conduct myself emotionally, mentally and professionally. Probably the hardest thing I had to do. Composing myself in that hour and a half was exhausting. One of the women in the group of course was 8 months pregnant and glowing. I couldn't decide if I was jealous, resentful, angry, frustrated or just plain sad. Don't get me wrong, I was still so very happy for her (she is a sweet person) but I couldn't help but think that could have been me. The session went very well and was very productive despite the emotional roller coaster I was strapped into.

I called the nurse back in the afternoon after talking to Doug just to talk about our options moving forward. We still have those 4 frozen embryos that we can transfer as soon as we are ready to try again. This next cycle will not be as intense because they wouldn't have to do a retrieval process again. I will still have to go through a cocktail of medications but it will be a little different this time. We can start as soon as my 2nd period coming up. Essentially, I should be starting my period within a few days and then we will have a consult to talk through the process. When I get my next period, I would officially start the cycle. This would probably put us at a transfer date somewhere at end of May or in June (depending on my periods). Some of you may remember, this was originally when we were going to try our first cycle but had decided to move it up. We have 1 more try because they thaw all 4 eggs hoping to get at least 2 viable embryos after they thaw. IF all 4 happen to make it through the process, they encourage us to transfer all four to increase our chances. That is what we would do if we were able to get 4 thawed. We'll see. All of this is so expensive and somewhat overwhelming when you commit financially and then it fails. Such a range of emotions. It was also very hard to see the disappointment on my daughter's face when the first thing she asks after school is "so, are you pregnant now"? She really wanted this to happen. I knew that there was always the possibility that this could fail but for the past month or so, our families haven't talked about IF I got pregnant but HOW MANY babies will we have.....it wasn't a question for us that this was going to happen. Just a shock really. In some small way, it makes you feel like you let someone down. I don't know who, but someone - maybe that is myself, my husband, the grandparents, the kids. I don't know but someone. Why can't my body do this? We don't have fertility problems! I have had 2 wonderful pregnancies naturally. Why was my body rejecting it now? Am I too old? Lots of random thoughts. I'm tired and just want to get off the roller coaster....

Stay tuned.

HPTs are stupid

So depending on which websites or forums you read, everyone gets different results. Pretty much most people say not to POAS before your first Beta.....yeah right. The 2ww is hard enough. I am 11dp3dt so you would think that I would get even a faint BFP. Well, I got a clear BFN. I am trying not to think too much of it since implantation could be taking longer or my embryos are not secreting enough HCG yet to pick up on HPTs. There are so many variables and that is why technically we shouldn't test before the first beta at 14dp3dt. There are plenty of stories of women taking HPT on the morning of their blood test and getting a BFN all the while getting a positive beta number later that day. Still.....HPTs are stupid. For all intensive purposes - I am still PUPO. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Quick update - 6dp3dt

I saw the RE yesterday for my 8am sono and thankfully I had lost 2.5 lbs of the fluid over the weekend. I was still up in fluid weight but nothing like on Friday. I was feeling much better too except for a little shortness of breath. All was good even though I still have a lot of fluid and my ovaries are rather large! He did say that my estrogen levels on Friday were a lot higher than the day of transfer which could be a good sign for pregnancy. Yeah, I think we will go with that! Hadn't heard about my blood work from yesterday. No news is good news to me.

This morning I started Vivelle Dots which are little oval trans dermal estrogen patches. I place 2 of them on my lower stomach (where I did the shots) and keep them on for 3 days. I place new ones on every third day for 3 rounds which should get me to next wednesday which is D-day: pg test day. At this point, the embies should be implanted if they were going to make their move! I am sooooo inpatient! Since all is good at this point, my next sono isn't until next Monday (2 days before BPT). I haven't been stressed out through this entire process at all. I have had this sense of calm and just a solid confidence that this is going to work, my body is going to accept these babies and I will be pregnant next week (if not right this very moment!). This is so exciting. Plus, I understand that we have 4 really good frosties in the freezer for another 2 rounds if this doesn't work. I don't think we will need them though. I just have a feeling right now.....maybe it's mothers intuition....

OHSS - Yep, I got it

Through all of my research into this IVF process, I knew all about the possibility of OHSS. It really isn't anything you go into this thinking that it will happen to you. After the ER on Wednesday, my abdomen felt full but I had just had a small surgical procedure so okay, I'm fine. Thursday came along and I was very very uncomfortable. Didn't sleep well the night before and my belly looked like I was about 3 months pregnant already. I still thought to myself, 'oh, this is still normal'. I went back to work on Friday (yesterday) and my abdomen was very full and with each step of my black knee-high boots, it jiggled my belly enough to hurt. I was walking very slow yesterday and it took me forever just to get to the cafeteria - which is on the far opposite side of the hospital. I just couldn't sit right because it would hurt and breathing was sometimes difficult as I lost my breath even just talking. I knew I had my sono on Monday to check on all this so I debated with myself all day whether I should call the office or not. I was thinking to myself that I can get through the weekend and just wait for Monday. At 3pm, I had had enough and decided to call. My theory was that I would call to ask if there were things I should be keeping my eye on over the weekend. Sure enough, they wanted me to come in for a sono so they could check things out. The wonderfully perky nurse (Brenda) opened the door and called me back and could see that I couldn't get up real fast. She asked if I was bloated and uncomfortable and I replied 'very much so'. It was at that point she looked down at my stomach and saw how much I was bloated and her face changed. She told me that she can tell just by looking at me that I am full of fluid. The first thing they do when checking for OHSS is weigh you to see if there has been a significant weight gain. I had gained 8.5 lbs of fluid in 2 days! Yep, I was definitely hyperstimulated. She took yet another round of blood work which showed my estrogen was high. Then for the sono....the RE first pressed on my belly and said "yes, the abdomen is distended and a bit hard" and then whamo - my ovaries were HUGE. I saw all the large cysts of fluid in my abdomen that was causing all of the trouble. So much fluid even around all the open space in there. The RE took measurements of all the pockets of fluid so that we have a baseline for Monday's appt. Dx was mild - severe OHSS. The course of action from there was to be on bed rest all weekend until Monday's appt, limit sodium and eat lots of protein. He gave me 2 more prescriptions to help with the hormones raging in my body. The burning question on my mind the entire time was if this would hurt the babies or my chances of getting pregnant (it was this point where I completely lost it and got really emotional). They reassured me that none of this will effect the embryos at all or my chances of getting pregnant. I think I asked them about 5 times. The kicker here is that if I do get pregnant, this OHSS crap lasts much longer because of all the hormones. Ugh. Supposedly, it is supposed to be a good sign having OHSS that I will become pregnant. It means that all the hormones and HCG are working in my body. A friend of mine, who used to be a nurse for my doc said that this "is a good sign usually. We don't like to see quiet ovaries." Well, uh no, my ovaries definitely are NOT quiet! All in all, I made a good call by going in to see them.

Last night was not fun at all. I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible pains (more like gas pains) and could barely get out of bed in time to make it to the bathroom. I have been constipated, which is NOT normal for me (lol), so I was delighted that I had diarrhea. I felt like I was getting everything out however, I felt sooooo nauseated and I almost passed out. It was a terribly scary moment for about 10 minutes. I immediately started pouring sweat and my blood pressure dropped and I just knew I was going to fall off the toilet. I called for Doug and he immediately came to stay with me. I was cold, clammy, sweaty, heart racing, in pain and ready to pass out.... but I got through. I was up probably 4-5 more times in the night with a little more diarrhea however I was urinating a little bit more than normal which is good because eventually, all the fluid in my abdomen will absorb into your body and you end I peeing it out. I was just mad all night. For those that know me well, you know that I absolutely cherish sleep and this was simply an invasion. As soon as I laid back down, I was up again and so forth. It is different when you are up all night with a precious baby. That is so different than being so rudely awakened by your body telling you that it hates you. That is how I picture it.

The nausea really was setting in at this point so I tried to just go to bed and deal with it in the morning. I was up bright and early around 5:30 in the bathroom feeling pukeyPhenergen to the mix of pills I take everyday. Pills, pills and more pills. The one good news that Brenda gave me today is that all my blood work came back and it all looked perfect. Yay.  Luckily me RE is on call all weekend if I need him. I stayed in bed with my new body pillow all day today and grazed on almonds (protein). I finally fell asleep and slept for the majority of the day. Much needed that is for sure.

I don't know where this OHSS will take me but I sure hope that it doesn't get worse to where it would require a hospital stay. Occasionally, a procedure is done where they drain the fluid out of the abdominal cavity for relief but it can then refill. Hopefully we can manage it with diet and medication - it is just more of a nuisance than anything  - this OHSS nonsense! I am waiting on my Oreo Blizzard from DQ as we speak so I am going to lay down again and hope this heartburn starts to go away.

PUPO

What a fantastic day. As we arrived at the center this morning we were so anxiously waiting to here about the quality of our eggs. We researched what is normal on day 3 as far as how many cells are good and the grading levels. Anyone who knows Doug and I will realize how much we have researched every little step of this journey. We knew last night that we would like to see 8 cell eggs grade 1/2. These are considered the best. Okay, we have our baseline so come on Doc, give us the news....

As soon as we walked into the room, I noticed the cheetah sheets on the ultrasound bed. Nice! They said those are their lucky sheets. This particular room we were in for the procedure was tiny but hey, it gets the job done. The ER came in immediately and started our 10 minute consult into the quality of our eggs and our decision on how many to transfer and freeze. So here is how our precious little babies turned out:

1 egg = 8 cell, grade 1
5 eggs = 8 cell, grade 2
1 egg = dividing normal (this was the one that needed an extra day of incubation, but all is good now)

As you can imagine we could not wipe the smiles off our faces....all our babies were perfect! The ER, nurse and Embryologist kept telling us how beautiful and perfect these eggs are. They said how impressive these they really were. The ER even said to us "it is very hard to get this many eggs in such excellent condition". We were on cloud nine. Matter of fact when he left the room, Doug and I actually did the nerdy high-five. So, from there he went through the statistics of how many to transfer, risks of multiples yadda yadda. All things that we had been talking about for 3 weeks at home. We decided to transfer 3 eggs and freeze the remaining 4. Hopefully we will not have a need to tap into the frosties and this will work no problem first time. The actual transfer procedure took no time at all. The prep took maybe 10 minutes while the actual transfer took literally 30 seconds. As we watched on the ultrasound screen, we saw the hollow catheter thread in but didn't really see the blasts go in because it is so tiny - lets not forget the 10mg of Valium I was on too. As soon as it began, it was over. The Embryologist took the solution back to the microscope to make sure all 3 were transferred just in case and yep, all went in nicely. As a souvenir, they gave us one of the Petri dishes that our babies lived in. Sounds weird, but it is kinda cool. Our babies first home. Hahaha. Anyway, after the procedure we had to wait an hour under observation before going home. I pretty much napped due to the Valium. As they wrestled me awake and sat me up, I realized just how loopy I really was. The nurse and Doug were kinda laughing at me. Let's just say I felt good. Before I stood up, the nurse looked at me and said "the answer to the question you haven't asked me yet is NO", "when you stand up, the eggs will not fall out, nor will they come out when you go to the bathroom etc". LOL because I was going to ask her that very question. My ovaries are still swollen which explains the discomfort in my abdomen. I feel so bloated and constipated but thankfully it is all normal. I have to go in tomorrow and get another HCG intramuscular shot just to support the implantation over the next couple days. Since Doug's mom is on vacation, we decided that it would be best to just drive over to the center and have our favorite nurse give the shot. There is no way that I can do it myself and Doug doesn't want to. I have another sonogram next Monday to check on my ovaries to watch for OHSS and then the PG test is scheduled for March 30th. This 2ww is going to be awful however our schedules are usually so busy that the weeks just fly by. It is amazing the sense of calm I have now that the transfer is complete. I have no doubts that this will work. Baby dust all around!

My babies are becoming babies!

So the call came in this morning that all 6 fertilized eggs went on to divide as they should and she even said a few times "they look really good". Yipee!!! My babies are becoming babies! There was a 7th egg that they kept in the incubator overnight to see if it would mature enough to fertilize and sure enough, it matured AND it fertilized! Woo hoo. That one would not be ready for a transfer tomorrow but it is one more that we may be able to freeze.

So we are set to go in at 10am tomorrow and find out the quality of our 6 little blasts. We are hoping for all excellent quality so we don't have to worry. Transfer is tomorrow and I can't believe this day is here already! I have been really bloated with lots of air in my abdomen. I just feel like I need to fart but can't. haha. I think this all came about from the progesterone vaginal inserts. On Monday, 1day post egg retrieval, I don't think I put them in the right way and I then squeezed air inside me. I have since been doing much better and they are now going in just like a tampon. I know, too much information but hey, it's my reality right now. I am thankful however that I am on these progesterone inserts (Crinone 8%) than having to take intramuscular shots everyday. Those hurt! AND, if I remain pregnant, I have to stay on progesterone thru the entire 1st trimester. Can you imagine an intramuscular shot daily for 3 months! My butt would be completely sore and bruised! My bleeding has stopped which is a good thing too. I am so ready for tomorrow to know that these babies will finally be with me. I know they are just 6-8 cell blastocysts however I preferred to call them my babies. Life is about to change in a mere 12 hours.....

RESULTS of Egg Retrieval

We know that they were able to retrieve 10 eggs yesterday. Out of those, 9 were mature enough to fertilize. The Embryologist fertilized all 9 through ICSI procedure. This morning when I received the call, we have 6 eggs that we are working with. The nurse said that was fantastic! Now we wait and see how well they divide over the day and night. We will receive another important phone call tomorrow morning letting us know how well they are dividing. Started Progesterone this morning as well. I will continue to use the Progesterone through the first trimester (assuming pg happens). Lets hope that overnight, our little eggs divide nicely so that we have our 3 to transfer and 3 to cryopreserve!

Egg Retrieval = Conception Day!

Egg Retrieval went very well today. We arrived at 8am and they took us back to start my IV and do vitals. They gave some IV Ampicillin and I had already taken the Vistaril at home. I was starting to feel relaxed. The doctor walked me down to the procedure room where I proceeded to place my feet in these hanging stirrups. I hadn't seen these types of stirrups before. They were actually not too bad once I got used to them (and the meds started working). The nurse and I chatted while she gave the Versed and Fentanyl. Within about 30 seconds, I felt the meds. I hope at that point I was having a good conversation with her because I didn't remember. I did look up however and see the loooonnnnggg needle that was going to be used and freaked for a moment. That sucker was super long and hollow of course to aspirate the eggs/fluid. As I laid there listening to my iPod, I drifted in and out of consciousness. When I was awake, I watched the screen as the procedure happened. So, did it hurt? Yes, but only at times and not too too bad. The nurse kept pumping my meds if I needed it. The procedure lasted maybe 45 minutes then I was in another room to recover for about an hour. DH was able to finally come in and see me after the procedure. I was tired and groggy afterward but more importantly, hungry! My precious little eggs will be fertilized this afternoon. Hooray for Conception Day!

The ER was hoping to retrieve 6-8 eggs. They said they would great with that number. They retrieved 10 eggs from me today!!!!! Yippee. Now we hope that all of those fertilize and then start to divide. It is out of my hands now and that is so hard to come to grips with! The plan is that I continue with some of my meds and I start Progesterone Gel twice a day starting tomorrow. I may expect cramping and maybe some bleeding today and tomorrow.  They will call me in the morning to deliver the news of how many eggs were fertilized. They will then call on Tuesday to tell us how many divided and their grade. We will then set up the time we will go in for the transfer to happen on Wednesday. We shall wait to hear....


Post Script: So after sleeping for about 6 hours when we arrived home, the narcotics have worn off and it is rather uncomfortable. I am carefully walking around when need be but not fully upright. It isn't that it is excruciating but very much uncomfortable and somewhat painful when I move or sit certain ways. 

Cooked and Ready!

Went in for our sonogram on Thursday morning to check the progress of my little follies...or rather my big follies. I was moving right along and the doc even said a few "wows" at my progress. That was so nice to hear. After taking blood they sent me on my way and I would get that routine call regarding my next instructions. Everything looked good but they need to watch it one more day so I made another sono appt the next day on Friday.

At Friday's (yesterday) sono, I saw the other ER since my doc was out that day. When she saw the size of my follicles, she too gave a quiet "wow". This sono was a bit more uncomfortable because I must have had more gas in my system. My superstar ovary was harder to see on the screen so there was a lot of maneuvering which was not exactly pleasant. All in all, the sono lasted about 10 minutes and we were ready to go after another stick in the arm. They were pretty sure my eggs were cooked and ready to go for a sunday Egg Retrieval but they needed to talk to my doc, give him all my numbers and see where my bloodwork sat. They would call me later in the morning. I checked my phone to see what times they have called me in the past, thinking I could predict the future. I am so impatient! So the previous two times they called me at 10:28am and 10:30am. I knew they would be calling any minute....now it was getting closer to lunchtime and I didn't want to leave my office without the call because I wouldn't have paper with me to take down instructions. Oh I was hungry...I finally started gathering a notebook and pen to take with me to lunch just in case and as soon as I stood up, the phone rang and up popped the caller ID that I had been waiting for. Was it my time? Was I cooked?

Sure enough, the nurse immediately said, "You are ready to go". Ahhh the most beautiful sentence. In my mind I was thinking to myself "Yeah, I kinda gathered so give me the details!" I was told to stop all injections and the trigger shot (HCG) would need to be given at 8:45pm THAT NIGHT! Woo Hoo. It was all started to become real! I had only been on stims for 6 days and I am already taking the trigger shot. From what I read, that isn't exactly normal - such a short amount of time. My ovaries and body must have been ready and luckily responded well. I am thankful for my health and lack of serious fertility problems. Besides my tubes being tied, my husband nor I had any other infertility issues. Other than that I am fertile myrtle. This doesn't mean that everything will go smoothly and we are very aware of that. So my mother-in-law is a wonderful nurse (retired) and she gave the trigger shot in her kitchen last night. It went into my butt and I have had migraine shots there before so I knew it wouldn't be pleasant. Yep, it kinda hurt and the meds stung a little going in but it was done before I could really start reacting. She is awesome. I don't know how I could have given that to myself or my husband give it! It is an intramuscular shot so it goes deep. I'm tough though, so after 2 not-so-nice word choices, I was fine again. Not really all that bad. It all seemed so final after that shot.

My Egg Retrieval is scheduled for tomorrow at 8am! We need to have lots of eggs retrieved AND we need enough that are good quality AND that they fertilize. They will allow some egg and sperm to try and fertilize naturally in the petri dish but others they will use ICSI in which they inject the sperm directly into the egg using a tiny needle. Also, we are hoping for lots of good quality eggs so that we can cryopreserve some too. So there are many circumstances that are still yet unknown. I am not stressing over it though. My body will produce what it wants to produce and there isn't anything I can do about it. I hate not having that control though. I am a bit nervous just because of the size of the needle that will travel through the walls of my vagina. I will have conscious sedation using Versed and Fentanyl so I am told that I will be "out" for it. We'll see. We are taking the video camera to capture any post-anesthesia antics that may occur. HA! My husband can't be in the room with me during the procedure so that is a bummer - although I probably wouldn't know he was there anyway. Tonight I have to prepare by taking 10mg of Diazepam, no food or drink after midnight (11pm due to time change tonight) and then in the morning I have to take another 10mg Diazepam to relax and then when I get there, they will start the IV and give the narcotics. They want to do the retieval at 8:45am and shouldn't take very long. After an hour in recovery, DH gets to take me home to rest. Now that I am writing about this, I am starting to realize IT IS TOMORROW! Holy crap. I am glad too to have this bloated feeling gone...well, maybe, I don't really know - I am just assuming. I shouldn't assume, I teach people not to assume. I am not being a good role model.

So as everyone is turning their clocks up tonight, send some baby dust my way for lots and lots of eggs tomorrow! And the countdown is on..........

ACRONYMS! What does it all mean?

There are soooo many acronyms that are used out there in IVF world. I have provided a list for you.

Common terms used on IVF messageboards.
2WW - Two week wait
16dp3dt - 16 days past 3 day transfer
ACA - Anticardiolipin Antibodies
AF - Aunt Flo = period arriving / bleeding starting
AH - Assisted Hatching
AHR - Assisted Human Reproduction
ANA - Antinuclear Antibodies
ART - Assisted Reproductive Technologies
BBT - Basal Body Temperature
BCP - Birth Control Pill
Beta - hCG level blood test
BFP/BFN - Big Fat Positive/Negative
BMI - Body Mass Index
COH - Controlled Ovarian Hyperstimulation
CD - Cycle Day
DH/DW/DS/DD - Dear Husband/Wife/Son/Daughter
Dx - Diagnosis
ED - Egg Donor
EDD - Estimated Due Date
ER/ET - Embryo Retrieval/Transfer
FSH - Follical Stimulating Hormone
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
GIFT - Gamete intra-fallopian tube transfer
GS - Gestational Surrogate
hCG - Human Chorionic Gonadfotropin
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
ICSI - Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection
IP - Intended Parent
IUI - Intra-Uterine Insemination
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
IVIg - Intra-venous immunoglobulin therapy
IVM - In Vitro Maturation
LAP - Laproscopy
LMP - Last Menstrual Period
LH - Luteinizing Hormone
LP - Luteal Phase
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
MF - Male Factor
NK (Cells) - Natural Killer Cells
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
PCO - Polycystic Ovarian Disease
PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
PCP - Primary Care Physician
PGD - Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis
PID - Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
POAS - Pee on a stick - home pregnancy test
POF - Premature Ovarian Failure
PUPO - Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise
RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist
Rx - Prescription
SM - Surrogate Mom
TCM - Traditional Chinese Medicine
TDI - Therapeutic Donor Insemination
TET - Tubal Embryo Transfer
TR - Tubal Reversal
TS - Traditional Surrogate
TSH - Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
TTC - Trying To Conceive
UR - Urologist
ZIFT - Zygote intra-fallopian tube transfer

Go Follies Go!

This isn't my ovary but wanted to post an example of a stimulated ovary and all the follicles growing bigger.

Went in this morning at 8am for our first sono after being on stimulation meds. We were wanting to see lots of follicles in my ovaries. As I was laying there watching the screen, I thought I saw 1 follicle on my left side. I had researched and read lots of blogs and wasn't seeing what I thought I should be seeing. I kept watching Doctor's face to catch any glimpse of reaction....was this good, was I not stimulating? What is going on!? He moved to my right ovary and BAM...lots of follicles! I am no doctor but I could see them plain as day. This was the beautiful image I was used to seeing on the internet! He started measuring the follicles and spouting numbers to the nurse. All the while, no change in the look on his face. I just wanted some kind of reaction...anything at that point! As soon as we began, it was over. The sono took all of about 10 minutes tops. They really know what they are doing! They left so that I could get dressed and we are still wondering if it is good or what! We then went to have more blood drawn so they could check my hormone levels. Finally, while we were sitting there, the nurse told us that my follicles were fantastic and they don't normally see that much progress after only 3 days of stimulation! WOO HOO. I think the old cheerleader clap came out at that point. She said that I was stimulating pretty fast and that normally at this point they see measurements between .8 - 1 and mine were already measuring 1.3 and 1.4. I went back to work waiting for their phone call to give me the blood work results and instructions going forward. Of course, the call came in while I was on a work call. I watched as the caller ID flashed and flashed. It killed me to let it go to voice mail but I had no choice. I called right back and the new instructions were to go ahead and start the Ganirelix shot tonight in addition to the normal regimen. The Ganirelix suppresses my pituitary gland so that my body doesn't release the eggs too soon. The release has to be timed perfectly in order for them to go in and retrieve them before they release on their own. From all the research I have done, I must be stimulating fast because normally Ganirelix isn't started for another couple days at least. They are also dropping my Follistim down to 125 for the next 2 mornings and dropping the Menopur down to 1 vial tonight and tomorrow. I have another sono on Thursday morning which should give us a good idea when the egg retrieval (ER) will be. Potentially, we could be doing the ER this weekend!!!!!! OMG. It all seems to be happening so fast but that's ok with us! We are ready to have these babies in the oven. We are still looking to transfer 3 eggs so we need my follicles to produce lots of eggs in hopes of having a good amount with good quality. We would also like to be able to freeze a couple if we have enough. So in my head, I will continue to cheer....Go Follies Go....Go Follies Go!

Headaches - Mar 6, 2011

I have a history of migraine however I can't explain how badly my head hurts these past 2 days. It literally feels like my head is building up so much pressure that it will explode. Last night was awful. I don't think I slept very good - maybe on and off all night. The pressure in my head kept waking me up. Now that is bad because normal migraines don't always wake me up in the middle of the night. Usually I can take medicine for my migraines and go to sleep. This is something altogether different. The Tylenol with Codeine didn't even touch this pain. I couldn't figure out any position that made my head feel decent. I woke up this morning to the same pain. I was dreading having to get out of bed to go take my shot. That meant moving around, having my eyes open and being somewhat alert. I also am not a regular breakfast eater however I had to eat something so that I could take the stupid doxy. I got all this done and immediately laid back down on the couch. This is where I have been literally all day. My head still feels the exact same and I am really getting irritated by it. I am starting to panic a little wondering how I am going to go to work tomorrow and this week if my pain remains this intense. I want to just cry because I can't do anything about it. I can try taking more tylenol with codeine but I don't want to waste them either if they aren't going to help. I sure hope my ovaries are doing something down there!

Begin Stimulation - Mar 5, 2011

Woo Hoo! The day is finally here to actually begin the good stuff - the FSH hormones. I am on 150 Follistim in the AM and 2 vials of Menopur in the PM. I also started taking one baby aspirin every morning and Doug and I both start Doxycycline twice a day. Doxy is an antibiotic to make sure that we stay healthy prior to egg retrieval day. This antibiotic says to take with food and let me tell you, that is the truth! This made me nauseous as I just had it with a granola bar. I was a little nervous with my first Follistim shot. Even though I knew it was subcutaneous and the needle was tiny, there is something about stabbing yourself with this thing that gave me pause. I was squeezing my stomach fat so hard that when I gave the shot, I literally felt nothing because of the pinching. It was so easy and from here on out....No Problem!! The Menopur is much more labor intensive. I am sure it will get easier with each day. The Menopur process involves placing a special cap on the vial and drawing in 1/2 cc of Sodium Chloride and injecting it into the first vial of powder. Once that has dissolved, draw it back into the needle, injecting that solution into the 2nd vial of powder and letting that dissolve. Once all is dissolved, I draw the 1/2 cc of liquid into the needle, screw on a subcutaneous needle and give in the stomach the same as the Follistim.

I should note that while I have started all of these hormones, I have also stopped nicotine and caffeine. I have a bit of a headache which I have taken Tylenol with Codeine. I probably should have tried to ween myself off of these things prior to the night before....hmmmmm.....we'll see how that goes. I have another appointment in 4 days so they can do another sono to see how my ovaries are reacting to the level of medication. They will adjust from there. We are hoping to see my follicles growing lots of eggs! The more eggs the better!

Sono & Injection Training

March 1st was our first official office visit (it felt like) since we started the cycle. As with any other appt we started off with a weight measurement. Hooray, not. I am 5'3" and weigh 120 lbs. Perfectly healthy per my OB in December.

Our first sonogram was next to look at the ovaries and follicles to make sure they were suppressed. All looked good - I had lots of follicles and they were tiny which he tells me are a good thing. So far so good. My 2nd day FSH levels from my bloodwork were a little higher than normal but nothing out of the ordinary. He uses that information to make an immediate change to my stimulation plan. It was neat to lay there looking at the sono screen knowing that in just a few short weeks, we would hopefully be looking at the same screen showing a little peanut inside there! It definitely took me back to watching my 2 kids grow on their sono screens! The process wasn't painful at all. There was a bit of discomfort with the internal sono when they had to press it rather hard into each of my ovaries to view the follicles. This was a very short process so not a biggie!

Our next stop of the day was the consult room to get our injection training. When we walked in, our big bag of medication was sitting there for us to take home. This was all of the free meds they were giving us for our cycle. The nurse joked that it was like winning the lottery for us that day - she was right! That much medication for free - still makes me teary-eyed. She taught Doug and I how to give Follistim and Menopur injections. Both are subcutaneous which is nice. I practiced on a squeeze ball as if it was my own stomach fat. It was nice to put all the needles together and actually give the injections to the ball. We were ready to take the meds home and get started on March 5th. Another 4 days of waiting. Luckily, I was able to stop BCP and just wait for Saturday....

Begin Birth Control Pills

I have never wanted my period to start so badly in my life! The waiting is just agony. According to my iPhone app, I was scheduled to start around February 9th. Okay, so I started on the 10th. I made my obligatory call to the RE nurse that morning and I was to start taking BCP the next day for about 3 weeks. OH MY GOSH....more waiting. I mean, yes, I was doing something for the process by taking BCPs however it was still 3 more weeks until our next appt for a sono to check my ovaries and follicles. Meanwhile, during the BC process, it took me back to high school when I first was on the pill. Again, I gained some weight and I seemed really hungry all the time during these 3 weeks. I was also spotting almost the entire 3 weeks which I thought was weird. I am not shy about calling the RE nurse so she reassured me that the spotting was perfectly normal. Some may be thinking, "Why birth control? Isn't that the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish?". I thought the same thing however the BCPs suppress your ovaries to keep them calm before the storm (so to speak). They need to stay calm before stimulating them with FSH medications. Speaking of medications... our RE was able to provide 90% of the medications out of their samples which we did not have to pay for. The rest were ordered through a mail-order fertility pharmacy. We were shocked at the generosity of our RE office. On average, fertility medications can cost anywhere between $2000 - $3000. Our total for all medications involved in our cycle was $318. We are so grateful to our RE and how they try to help self-pay clients the best they can. Now, more waiting until our March 1st appointment...

Pre-Cycle Tests & Bloodwork

So prior to an IVF cycle beginning, there are tons of tests that have to be completed by both of us. We are both checked for things like HIV, STDs, Cystic Fibrosis and many other things. Even though you know these things will come back negative, it is a little nerve wrecking waiting for results. Doug had his semen analysis done to make sure his little guys were good. YES! Let's just say his little guys are GREAT! That was a little bit of a worry because he hasn't ever had kids so we just assumed that he was okay in that department but now we were really going to know if his fertility was ok. The only thing standing in our way was my tubal. We were both very healthy individuals with no other infertility problems. This was a relief.

Since my tubal was an elective sterilization procedure, IVF is not covered by our insurance. We are self-pay through this process. Our RE has been VERY good about helping us out and explaining different ways that insurance can help us. Lab work was one area that we were able to get the orders signed by our primary care physicians so that insurance would cover it. Everyone was great with helping us get our labs accomplished. I would say the one factor that caused the most anxiety for us was being self-pay and figuring out the finances to cover the cycle. This process definitely can not be seen as a "fly by night" decision. We talked many many nights about how we were going to afford it, where the money would come from, all the while trying to pay down other debt. Definitely one of the most stressful parts of all this. We got it figured out though so we are good. One of the hardest things about the IVF process is the waiting. Now, it is a waiting game until I start my February period so that we can start birth control pills (BCP)...

How it all began...

I decided to start a blog about this baby journey because I have read so many other people's stories online. They all have really helped us get a grip as to what this process is and what we should expect.

Starting from the beginning...I had my first two children in 2003 and 2004. Both were normal, healthy pregnancies - matter of fact I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my daughter in '03. Surprise! Besides the normal uncomfortable last month or so (and sciatica), I actually enjoyed being pregnant. I was induced and after many hours of waiting, she dropped quickly and 3 pushes later, she arrived. She even slapped the doc in the face as he was holding her up. She remains that feisty even today. Thirteen months later I gave birth to my son who was much more stubborn than his sister. Again, I had a normal pregnancy and felt great throughout. After my son was delivered, I had elected to have my tubes tied. At the time, this felt like the right decision.

Fast forward to 2008... After my divorce, I met back up with my best friend from high school, Doug. He lended me the ear that I needed during that turbulent time. We rekindled a relationship that ultimately started in 7th grade when we originally met. On Valentine's Day 2009 we were engaged with an eye on a summer 2010 wedding in Dominican Republic. An important conversation along the way was if we wanted to try and have kids of our own. We went back and forth, back and forth. Some days we were all in and the next day we were okay with my son and daughter. In Dec. 2009 we had our first consultation with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). We received a large folder full of information about IVF. We were scheduled for August 2010 cycle (not too long after our marriage). In January 2010, we called to cancel our cycle. We weren't ready financially or emotionally yet. We resigned to the fact that we were going to raise Chloe and Carson the best we could and concentrate on them. Then in Fall 2010, we were randomly sitting on the couch one night watching a show about polygamy (of all things) and we rehashed the idea of having kids. It was almost as if we just looked at each other and knew that we would regret it if we didn't at least try a cycle. At that point we were all in! I called the next day to schedule another consult with the RE. It was Nov. 2010 and we went in with a much more committed attitude. We scheduled our cycle for June 2011. The next month we decided for various reasons not to wait until June so I called and asked if they could move up our cycle...we were now scheduled for a cycle in March 2011! This was only 3 short months away and we had a lot of prep work in front of us.... LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN...